WANT ME TO TELL YOU A SECRET...
..your body was never the problem
LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY.
A therapist that was told in graduate school that she would never be able to help support folks on any spectrum of disordered eating and body image until she was well into her career - look at her now.
Cilla is passionate about helping raise a generation that can exist freely in their here-and-now body by unlearning inherited beliefs that promote weight stigma.
After years of recovering, relapsing, recovering, relapsing. I was tired of the process. I truly felt like a hopeless cause, and that my life would always be spent obsessing over food and hating my body. I truly thought that everyone around me that had an intuitive relationship with food and their body were faking it. It wasn't until I discovered intuitive eating and practicing radical grief where everything finally clicked for me. I realized I would never truly recover if I kept fighting against my body. I realized for the first time that I could exist in my here-and-now-body.
body image work is messy...
WORK WITH CILLA
skip the scale.
count the memories.
thank your body.
let's get to know each other a bit:
YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN A BODY. FOOD DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS COMPLICATED. FOOD IS SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST FUEL. FOOD FREEDOM AND BODY FREEDOM ARE WAITING FOR YOU. YOUR BODY WAS NEVER THE PROBLEM. DIET CULTURE DROP-OUT. YOU CAN EXIST IN YOUR HERE-AND-NOW-BODY
YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN A BODY.
credentials:
Licensed Social Worker, Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor
listen to my recovery story
Education:
Bachelors Degree in Psychology, Purdue School of Science - 2020
Masters Degree in Social Work, IU School of Social Work - 2022
Approach:
Certified by:
Indiana Professional Licensing Agency
Intuitive Eating Pros
Anti-Diet, HAES Aligned, ED informed, Anti-Carceral, Person-Centered & Neurodivergent Affirming Model
weight stigma perpetuated cilla's disordered relationship with food
Cilla grew up in a low socio-economic status family that lived in a food desert in Western North Carolina. She witnessed the impact of weight stigma, weight discrimination that her family members endured at a very young age.
Cilla grew up fearful of living and existing in her here-and-now-body. She was coached by her family to watch what she eats, tuck in her tummy, eat, but "don't overdo it."
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having a competent support system is critical:
After years of pursuing recovery, I was ready to throw in the towel. I truly felt like every therapy session I went to was pointless. I was not supported by a treatment team that was educated in treating an eating disorder, and my family was consumed with their own body image challenges and latest diet.
I NEED SUPPORT
HOW CILLA BROKE FREE FROM THE RESTRICT-BINGE CYCLE
I officially started therapy in 2015 -- My disordered behaviors were never addressed, rather, they were overshadowed by other co-occurring mental illnesses.
I went to the ER in 2016 -- I was never questioned about my eating disorder despite being in the ER as a direct result of ED behaviors earlier that day.
I stopped therapy + decided I would try to recover myself -- My efforts were fair, but not significant enough to create sustainable change.
My disordered behaviors continued and worsened. I was prescribed a heart monitor for 5 months.
I'M READY
The hard truth.
The cycle was rinsing and repeating. In my final year of undergrad, I was assigned to an internship at a local domestic violence shelter in Indianapolis where I realized I was a victim of domestic abuse.
WORK WITH CILLA
Wait, ED is a coping skill?
After leaving the abusive relationship that I was in, I fell back into a consistent, old coping skill that my brain was comfortable with - the eating disorder.
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The breakthrough moment
That "helpful" coping skill didn't work for long before I realized what was happening. I couldn't deny that I was comfortably miserable. But, I knew this wasn't sustainable. I had been here before. Again and again. I knew deep down that this wasn't the answer. I had to choose my hard.
I WANT THIS
I finally chose recovery
The problem was never about the food. The problem was never about my body.
It was the self doubt that was engrained in my brain as a young girl. It was the belief that I have to do more to be seen as worthy enough. It was the body discrimination right in front of my eyes that my family suffered from.
It was the reality that I was not the broken one. The society that I live and exist in, is.
It took me years of disordered eating and 5 years of being in and out of treatment to realize that I was capable of an incredible life beyond my body. So, now I live in a body that I never thought I could ever accept and yet, I am the happiest that I have ever been.
I WANT THIS, TOO
forever by noah kahan
